Cat Lady, Parte Deux

So yes, we called the cat lady again...Sigh.

The hubs and I decided to visit his folks in Hawaii for the week of Thanksgiving a few years back. As usual, we needed a cat sitter again, so cue cat lady parte deux. However, during her visit to review her duties, she brought another young lady of about 20 years-old. They relayed to me all the health issues this pseudo daughter of hers had, and how she would be assisting with the cat duties while we were gone.

Uhhhh, okay? Is all we could respond with after hearing the list of brain tumors and other ailments we were told that this poor young girl was suffering from. (Tons of odd information to take in immediately after meeting someone unexpectedly and uninvited to help out around the house while we were gone.)

Just as they were leaving, I looked out at their car, and this shady looking guy wearing sunglasses and a crooked baseball cap was hunched in the backseat, peeking out at our house as if we couldn’t see him.

“Oh, I didn’t realize there was someone waiting for you outside,” I said.

“That’s okay, he’s my “daughter’s” fiancé and they need a place to live, so I am helping them out right now,” explained the cat lady.
Red Flaaaagggg.

Meanwhile, this guy had a scowl that said, “Let’s bust this joint, bitches. I need me a burger an' I gots things ta do.” The no eye-contact and discomfort when we were introduced from a distance demonstrated his thoughts, at least in my mind.

The hubs and I were a bit concerned about all the random pieces that were being hurled at us, but we were leaving the next day and hadn’t expected all these additional strangers to deal with.

Fast forward and we returned from our trip, tan, relaxed, and still sobering up from all the Don the Beachcombers mai tais we consumed in Kona. The cat journal was completed, the a/c wasn’t blasting, and all seemed well. Until the next day.

Reading more carefully through the journal, one of the entries said, ”Some oil fell out of your bathroom medicine cabinet. I cleaned up all the glass. The cat must have knocked it out.”  Cue record scratch.

Lex and Luther were both over 13 years-old at that time and they had NEVER tried  opening a medicine cabinet. Plus, this was an expensive sandalwood oil in a heavy glass jar that would have been difficult for them to move in the first place. They were more apt to play with dental floss, if anything.

Then, as I was going through the house checking over the rooms more carefully, I noticed a bunch of white talc powder sprinkled all over the wood floor in our guest bedroom.

That’s weird, I thought. I don’t own any talc powder.

In looking more closely, I noticed a footprint in the powder. My eyes widened like a balloon being filled with helium.  Whose powder? Who was walking around barefoot in my house?? WTF??!!!? My eyes immediately went to the bed and I peeled back the layers of bedding to see if I could tell if anyone had slept in it.  Unfortunately, anyone can make a bed look untouched, so I was left just feeling super uncomfortable at this point.

Later that day, I was unpacking my undergarments and I noticed some items had been moved around in this particular drawer. Cue another record scratch.  (Prior to leaving for Hawaii, I had reconstructed my wedding ring and combined it with my grandma's wedding ring. I had 4 little diamonds that weren’t used and I had placed in a tiny blue silk satchel and left them in this drawer. However, this said little satchel had been moved.)

Oh shit. I counted the diamonds. 1...2...3...4.  Still there, but definitely not in the place I left them. Plus, who the fuck was going through my chonies???? Gross!!!!!!!

I immediately began searching all the places I hid my jewelry, and thank gawd everything seemed to be intact. So I called the cat lady.

At first, I just left a message like, “Hi cat lady, thanks for the journal and taking care of the cats. I have a few questions for you, so give me a call.”

A day later, I called her again.

And another day later, I called her again. (I mean, I needed to pay her and all…) But after the third or fourth call, I was more like, “Look bitch!! Who the fuck did you let stay here and why the hell would you let that happen when we trusted you?? Plus you owe me some sandalwood oil, GAWD DAMMIT!!!”

Just kidding-I would never leave a message like that, but if you could read through the lines you might have heard it.

But she never returned my calls.

Although we didn’t have an enormous a/c bill this time, we apparently had some house guests who smelled like sandalwood and sprinkled themselves with diamonds and talc powder while going through my panty drawer.

Yes, I washed all the undies and bedding in hot water.

And yes, I made sure the 4 diamonds were the real deal by my jeweler, in case they were switched out with fakies.

...and that’s when we decide to take our cats with us the next time we traveled to Hawaii.